My Mortal
by custardpringle
Summary: (Pre-series) Sarah discovers that Daniel is gone.


TITLE: My Mortal  
AUTHOR: Cyn(di)  
EMAIL: custardpringle@yahoo.com  
RATING: PG—mild language  
CATEGORY: angst/romance  
SUMMARY: Sarah blames herself for Daniel's disappearance.  
SPOILERS: only vaguely for the movie  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was, or tried to be, a response to the OS Valentine's Day challenge. It's also a songfic for "My Immortal" by Evanescence. I have no idea what time of year the movie was actually set, but for my own convenience I'm calling it a warmer-than-usual February.  
  


--------------------------------------------------  
  
~~~~~  
**I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
** ~~~~~

  
  
Another damned February 14th.  
  
Actually, come to think of it, that wasn't strictly accurate. The last couple had been quite enjoyable, actually. Then again, of course, that had been in the good old days before her boyfriend went mad.  
  
This one was different, and more than deserved the label of "damned." This February 14 had been sent down to the Hall of Ma'at, and its soul had been weighed and found far heavier than a feather. Sarah knew a lot of that weight was thanks to her.   
  
_All of it_, a little voice was whispering to her. _It's your own fault you're sitting here at home alone when you should be out on a date with Daniel._  
  
Shut up, Sarah answered.  
  
_You could've done more_, it insisted. _Could've gotten him to give up before he screwed himself over entirely._  
  
I did try. He wouldn't listen.  
  
_But did you try hard enough?_  
  
Maybe not, she admitted.  
  
The voice switched tacks. _Or worse yet, what if Daniel was right?_  
  
No way in hell. The pyramids built by aliens? That was conspiracy theory fodder.  
  
_His reasoning was sound, and you knew it. You just didn't want him to wreck his career over it._  
  
Of course I didn't. I was worried about him.  
  
_You weren't, Sarah. I'm you, so don't even try to bullshit me. It was your own reputation you were worrying about, afraid you'd be ridiculed even for associating with him._  
  
"Shut up," she repeated aloud, knowing it was futile, knowing the inner voice was perfectly right.  
  
_Remember what you said to him after that lecture in LA? Doesn't sound to me like you were very worried._  
  
"Shut the hell UP!" Sarah dropped her head into her hands, remembering.  
  


~~~~~  
**Because your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone  
** ~~~~~

  
  
Daniel had walked into her office about a week ago and said, by way of greeting, "I just lost my professorship."  
  
Sarah gaped in shock. "You what?"  
  
"I lost my professorship," he repeated. "Apparently my theories are a little too out there."  
  
"Which is exactly what I've been telling you for months. Maybe you should've listened."  
  
"I did listen, Sarah, I just think you're wrong. It's not my fault you wouldn't listen to me."  
  
"We sound like Mulder and Scully." Sarah closed her eyes in frustration. "You do realize that, right?"  
  
"I'm not a paranoid federal agent with a revenge complex," Daniel responded indignantly, "and I've got something a little stronger than intuition to back me up on this."  
  
"You'll excuse me if I don't see as much of a difference as you do."  
  
"If you don't want to listen to me, don't." Daniel turned to leave, but added, "You know I'm right, Sarah. You'll figure it out on your own eventually."  
  
She hadn't seen, or heard from, him since.  
  


~~~~~  
**These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
** ~~~~~

  
  
All right, Sarah thought. I get the point. Now what?  
  
Call him, she answered herself, already reaching for the phone. Apologize. There's still a chance the two of us can have a nice Valentine's Day together.  
  
There was silence on the other end for a minute after she dialed. Then she got a recorded message: "_This number has been disconnected. Please consult directory assistance if you need help._"  
  
Of course—Daniel had probably missed his telephone bill; it happened all too often. She'd just have to go see him in person, which was probably a better idea anyway. Allowing herself no time for indecision, Sarah promptly grabbed her coat and headed out the door.  
  


~~~~~  
**You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
** ~~~~~

  
  
Arriving fifteen minutes later, she knocked gently and called, "Daniel?" There was no response. Sarah knocked harder. After five minutes, she gave up and let herself in with a spare key.  
  
The small apartment was obviously deserted. Many of Daniel's things were still there, but all his clothes—admittedly a rather small category—were gone, along with most of his notes from the past few months' work. Everything that remained was covered in a thin coating of dust, something he would never have tolerated usually.  
  
There was no doubt about it—Daniel was gone. From the amount of dust, it looked like he'd left almost a week ago. And Sarah knew only too well what had happened. She had mocked him, been angry with him, when that was the absolute last thing he needed. She had been the proverbial straw that had broken his proverbial back and sent him—where? How could she possibly find him again?  
  
It wasn't just a ridiculous little holiday she'd sent down into oblivion. It was their entire relationship. And it wasn't coming back any time soon.  
  


~~~~~  
**I've held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me  
** ~~~~~

  
  
"Daniel?" she repeated, vaguely hoping he was simply hiding somewhere.  
  
He wasn't, of course. The only answer she got was silence.  
  
Tears of guilt and regret springing to her eyes, Sarah sank down onto the small bed, which creaked alarmingly under her weight. Along with the creaking, though, there was a soft rustle as a small piece of paper fluttered to the floor by her feet. She picked it up and scanned it, inhaling sharply upon realizing it was addressed to her.  
  
_Dear Sarah,  
  
I don't know how angry you really are with me, but if you're reading this it can't be that hopeless. It's too late, though. I'm gone for good.  
  
I wish I didn't have to disappear like this, but I think it's better this way. There's nothing much left now of what I thought was my life, and I think I've got a better chance where I'm going.  
  
I'm really sorry to leave you like this. Maybe we'll see each other again someday.  
  
I love you.  
  
-- Daniel_  
  
The note dropped from Sarah's numb fingers.  
  
Oh, dear God. What had she done?  
  


~~~~~  
**Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me**  
~~~~~

  
  
_I love you._  
  
It had been there in her too, all along, but she hadn't seen it until too late.  
  
Even when she had been worrying about how terrible a relationship with him would be for her reputation, it had been there.  
  
_I love you._  
  
"I love you too, Daniel," Sarah whispered, but it was too late for him to hear her.  
  


~~~~~  
**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
And though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along**  
~~~~~

  
  



End file.
